Love & Hate

I love God.  A whole lot.  He shows himself in the craziest ways and craves my attention and passion and obedience.  But gosh, I suck at doing that full time.

As sure as the sun rises and the seasons change, my attention and focus shift from God to useless stupid things.  I'm guilty of being a habitual person.  Literally, when I find something I like, I just continue to do it, regardless of how old it gets.  I do it with food, music, clothes, routines, etc.  The only time I'll change it is when I'm either forced to or someone shows me a new cool thing to shift my focus.  So I love my habits, but then I also hate them.  Dumb, I know.

Let me give you an example of what I'm currently pushing through:  This whole summer I've been on fire for our ministry up here at Cave Springs.  Getting up was never a problem, starting my day with prayer and coffee, and then heading in to greet people and serve like a mad man til later that night.  And then get up and do it all over again.  It was beautiful.  Nothing broke, not too many hiccups, I got to work with amazing people, and Churches were having amazing times.

But this week has absolutely sucked.  It's been one of those weeks where things just don't happen like they normally do.  And I promise I'm not naive enough to think everything should be constant.  But things just started breaking, I tore open my knee on a rock, activities didn't run like they should, I had no amazing staff by my side, and worst of all, I just became more and more frustrated with each little thing.  Today, I just stopped what I was doing because I was about to punch a hole in the wall.  I sat and just vented to the wall about what I was pissed about.  Pretty pathetic, I know.  But it's even more pathetic that a week ago I was singing praises and now I'm yelling at the top of my lungs  because things aren't the way I'm used to.

I realize this is part of life.  I get that.  We live in a broken world and I'm a sinner which don't really go well together.

This may have made no sense to you.  Maybe I just needed to vent to something other than a wall.  On a side note, I'm not pissed anymore.  I will be again one day, but not tomorrow.  Weird.