Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Bachelor Lifestyle

Good People of the Internet, I've got an announcement:

I love being a Bachelor

I know that's not very groundbreaking information with the Stimulus Bill and A-Roid out there, but I wish everybody can experience this.  I also understand how juvenile and immature is sounds.  You may be saying to yourself, "Miami Mike, that's why you're still single".  And you know what, you're probably right.  But let me try and convince you why the Bachelor Lifestyle is the best thing that can happen to a guy:

1.  I am the Man of my own House: not only do i arrange everything in my house the way i want to, but i can also choose to NOT arrange it if I want to.  There are no rules with which I have to live by.  If I want to angle the TV so I can watch it from the kitchen or put a work out bench in my living room, then I can!  Things don't have to match, there doesn't have to be a theme.

2.  Wearing a Bathrobe and house slippers is acceptable all the time: I've realized these two inventions weren't just made for morning pleasure.  Nay!  They are the first thing I put on when I get home from work.

3.  Watching Sportscenter multiple times a day isn't a bad thing: things change so much in the Sports World that I have to keep up.  And filling the time in between with old episodes of The Office and Lost is approved.  If I could find a satellite package that just showed Sports, The Office, and Lost, I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

4.  Having a huge Texas flag and 8 foot dry erase board is plenty enough for wall decor:  no paintings, no crosses, no pictures, etc.  What's the need?  See my first point for any further explanation.

5.  I can logically back up almost everything I do/say/need: this is something I've learned over time.  For example, I recently bought a brand new comforter for my queen bed.  It's a Ralph Lauren Polo comforter and I got it on sale for $30.  The only catch is, it's a Twin sized comforter.  Big mistake, right?  NO!  Why buy a queen size when all I need is a twin size?  Plus, the queen size was over $100.  The person at the register didn't share my opinion, but she's not a Bachelor.  How could she understand this bargain?  The beauty of being a Bachelor is that you don't have to fit inside a box.  Things happen the way you want, not the way Society tells.

These things may not resonate with you, but hey, you may not be a Bachelor.  The list I just presented is just the tip of the iceberg.  As I see them develop, I'll be sure to write them down and share them with you.

As for the ladies, this list probably doesn't impress you in the least bit.  But that's okay.  You're built for marriage.  A Bachelor is built for dominating the single life.  Bachelors aren't looking for approval.  We're looking for the next freaking awesome thing to add to our life.  One day this will all change and I will have nothing else to add to my life but a beautiful woman.  But for now, God has me loving the Bachelor Life.  I hope you can enjoy it too.


John said...

enjoy it while it lasts bro, although marriage has its benefits as well.

Anonymous said...

A book you gotta read is called "THE BACHELOR'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY!" - THIS BOOK IS AWESOME AND tells all about the Bachelor lifestyle in all of its glory! You can find it on!


oh yeah, and the author of "THE BACHELOR'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY!" is Larry "Von Lars" Wehunt - a really cool guy with his own space-age bachelor pad with plenty of sexy chicks!